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Pain, disappointment, misunderstanding and failure are some of the things that cause our hearts to build a wall of distrust. This makes us feel like we are constantly in danger of being hurt by people around us. Naturally, we live on the edge, constantly on our guard and expecting the worst. Of course, we must trust some people for some things, doctors for example, but just enough to keep the expected damage to a minimum. We know they will, so we are always protecting ourselves and looking out for the betrayal.
Long ago, there was a beautiful young lady, who one knew this young man in her community. Unfortunately, he was lame. She thought, “He’s a nice man, if I could be his legs, I’m sure we would happy together.” After thinking about it for a long time, she decided to become his wife, give him her heart and be his legs. When she told her parents, they strongly objected, but her heart was set. He likes her too and couldn’t believe his luck. Eventually, they got married and a started life together; living with his parents.
His parents and brother treated her like a princess; they loved her personality and everybody was happy. Ever so often, she went to the market to get provisions for the house. One day when she did and returned, her husband confronted her, “Where did you go and who did you meet today?” She was confused, but replied, “I went to the market and bought food, that’s it; I met no-one”. He shouted, “Stop lying, I know you met someone!” He suddenly started to beat her violently with a stick. His family saw and were shocked, but said nothing.
Later when he calmed down, her husband apologised. He said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into me. It’s just that you make me crazy. I don’t want to lose you.” But it started to be a regular thing. His real problem was that he was captured by a thought… “How can a pretty girl like this marry ME? She will soon come to her senses and find a handsome man with legs. She’s just having pity on me.” This thought was dragging him and he couldn’t come out of it alone. Eventually, it made him blind to the woman who loved him and wanted to be with him.
When we focus on ourselves it is easy to see only enemies around us. Even children can start to hate the very parents who sacrifice for them. As we build a fortress to protect our hearts, we block out and reject the love that is right before us. This man made it impossible for his wife to stay and she eventually left him. In trying to protect himself, he created the same misery he was trying to avoid. We need to take the time to think about this. Aren’t we protecting ourselves too, but from what? We don’t want to be hurt, but are we causing pain? People will disappoint us, but isn’t that normal? We disappoint people as well.
It may seem risky, but shifting our focus from ME to US is the first step in mending that broken bridge of trust.
Where is your focus?
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